Camisado.

Just hear me out. I'm a prisoner of my own humanity. Yet you stay the nonconformist purple haired freak I was always with. My hands are the tools in which I create and how I breathe. Don't wallow in your misery because you think that I'm okay. False pretenses are nothing but and you know it. Where will that leave us hun? Stranded without a clue? I shouldn't have to explain myself unless I choose to, other than that you can keep your comments to yourself. How I love you for your apathy. But I do miss you. The late night discussing politics on the back porch while we watched the stars fall down. I know you're somewhere out there. You'll find me and things will be like they once were. My best friend, I miss you terribly. I'm lonely and out of place since you've been gone. I still don't understand why my mum was that way towards you, you never did a fucking thing to her. But I tell her that you'll be back someday. I know you will. As always, I'll shy away from the specifics and allow to you fill in those gapped out years. Cross the line and just fucking do it. I never wanna take back the memories or the parties or anything. I'm ready to try again but first we gotta hang out. You know I couldn't keep to myself long enough. Now get the cd player, I'll puke on your dad and we'll go under the blankets and kill Elizabeth :P

Danger Zone.

My eyes looked at her with deep regret and love. My hands moved down her face and my lips met hers to kiss away the pain. The shock and astonishment as my words finally registered in his head. I was gone and he wouldn't get me back. Life is so much easier now that he's gone and you're back. Thought I'd lost you for the longest but I can totally see that you're never leaving me. Next year will soon be here and then it'll all be great.

Secrets.

Why I take my relationships and friendships so hard, so seriously. I work so hard to make everything right, make it fucking perfect. Make everyone happy. So in the end Ill be happy. Does it ever work? More often not. I can deal with it. Just hide the things in my closet and bury the dead. Somedays I like to keep things simple in order to not leave the reminders in the open. Of my failures and other's regressions. Was this ever real?

Breaking the Habit.

I need to come out. Breath unto the world again. Observe the birds and hang in the trees like I used to. Sit outside and just watch everyone live. I think that this is the one thing that could bring me solace in my heart. To know to feel that the earth is real and that everything in it is not just a figment of my imagination or subconcious. Do I ask for too much? Tell me if it's so. Tell me tha my dreams are empty and unfuflling. Just your conversation would be enough to sustain me. Tomorrow will be a step to living again for today is nearly done and that wouldn't be as heartening. The sky is fadng and night is coming once again, I'll grab my book and head back to my corner. Oh what a life.

Almost Easy.

Sometimes it's easier to stay with walls up and head held high than to let it all down and forgive. To show weakness is a sign of humanity. That we are no longer animals but a race of creatures that are supposedly socially unaware and inept to feelings such as empathy, sympathy or anything caring. How long before a child could change the eyes of the world? The future held in her hands could be absolute utopia or it could be a crumbling hell. Sometimes it just seems so bleak and pointless to carry on this dreary planet. Everyday we get closer to our dreams and farther from our past. Revolutions are just another way of saying that the way things once were are dying and becoming extinct. Will everything change? Will we no longer recognize ourselves within what we have become?

X&O's.

When the time comes and I need you the most, you're never to be found. The lies are profound but yet I stay near. Hoping to hear your words comfort and warm me instead of breaking my heart. I doubt things'll ever be the same as they once were. I'm wiser but still stupid and you haven't changed a bit even with all this time that's passed. Guess that makes me a fool. I'm blind and deaf to your ways and I hate it. I can't stand how I let you rip apart my being. I know you can never do better than me but why do I always end up running back to you? I just wanna find solice in your beating heart, warm chest and dark eyes. Can I do that again or am I forever damned to contemplate on the things that will never be. Curse my bleeding heart. It's fucking useless, making excuses for you and trying to cover up your sins. Yet all the while I know I shouldn't turn such a blind eye to these things and I should carry on. Wish things could be that simple.

Pill Matic.

Oxycotto. Xanax bars, Percocet, Loritab, Valuim, Morphine. Adderall. Zanaflex. Klonipin. 3 c's. Seroquil. Honey brows. Trazedone. Call me a walking pharmacy. Could be considered my best friends at one point. These we're some of the best and worst days of my life. Made me fucking famous, partied like rockstars, did crazy shit. Helped me get through the worst situations imaginble (real and imaginary) but with horrible results. Deaths, loss of friends, grades, family bullshit among other things. Why'd I turn to these things? I don't even remember it's been so long. Now I've got a terrible back, can't even take a damn tylenol without worrying about causing another ulcer, spent 4 months with strept, terrible leg muscle degeneration among other things..Haha not just the lost brain cells. Would I do it all differently if I could? Probably not. I'm that fucking dumb. And the shit's harder than you think. ;]

Star-Crossed.

If the stars said that you couldn't love me are you telling me that you would listen? That's alright. I never expected anything less of you.

Everyday Forecast.

Today's been raining and unpleasant. My heart feels like it could be blown aways by the slighest of winds, a whisper of rightly placed words could distance it from my chest and then it wouldn't even be mine anymore. But I remain humble with these thoughts and keep things so deep that even the rain can't touch them anymore. Stuck between two worlds, mine and the world that is shared with all of the other people that exist. I find comfort in knowing that even when I'm lonely, I'm still not competely by myself. I've got my found strength thru the things that I enjoy and am capable of loving. I do grow fond of these things and hope that they will grow in abundance and sparkle for all eternity. Not fading without my consent.

The Days never End.

Turn off your headphones or turn them up. Grab a book and sit outside. Plant a tree then paint a picture. You'll be suprised at how amazing your hands good be and how better your heart would feel. It's a chance to destress and become one with yourself. Who knows what'll happen. Discover your voice as you climb a tree. Records don't last forever darling so take them out the closet and dance across the ocean floor like we did so long ago. It's a chance yo need to take to clear up the past and live again. Childhood ends? Says who?

After(Life) of the Party.

Well it's like this. Keep your hand over your mouth if you've gotten proved wrong. Don't fuel the fire especailly when you have no idea what you're talking about and all you're gonna do is piss people off. If you have a problem don't be rude about it and try to make everyone else around you look like a fucking fool cause you feel like you have the right to be a total cunt. Like the old saying goes: "Don't like the show, get up and change the damn channel."