The Scarlet Path.

Aesthetic. It's no longer a word but a creature. Amazingly simple but at the same time, something so complex that one an never truely understand it. To one it is glorious to another it is not. Not a soul may own this thing. This diety from which many draw strength. It is holiness within itself. A treasure, a pawn. I use this word to describe art. It instills itself deep in my heart, feeding off my thoughts and I hope to never let it go. I know my definition may seem cliche but I do as I wish and explain it one way. The human body is a machine, a thriving, lusting, powerful machine that is unlike any other invention in the world. Humans are also just simply stunning. Complex beings that fear what the understand and care not to tangle with the unknown. This is why I choose to draw them in different circumstances with different emotions. I can play a mirror that will show you terrifying monsters, beautiful women and things that only dreams are made of. Butterflies that reside in the bellies of beasts that await a chance to be undevoured. Who knows what I'll bring you next. Romance deeps with mystery. Or horror stuns the sight. What I bring to you is a chance for me to express myself on how I view the world. Let you peer into my mind so that you may understand me a little more. Sadly though, my subconcious scares even me. I must tell you this, I am unlike anything you have ever studied. I do not create my own worlds with selfish conviction I only draw from others their ideas of me. I leave you to make your nest with a tiny prayer that you grow a little more.

Get Well Soon.

Is it getting better? Is it getting worse? Was it ever worth is? Was it just a curse? You've probably understood me more than anyone else because we come from similar backgrounds yet still different and maybe we may never truely grasp one anothers meaning. Our tempers are pretty fucking dangerous but oh well. And you may start to think I talk way too You put up with me and I put up with you. You're my bfff and I'm your kiddo. Things after I started talking to you drastically changed my sight. I know people are assholes, boy do I know and I want to say that I'll never stop being there for you. I'd stop what I was doing and run to you if I could. Right now it's pretty hard but I'm doing my best. hopefully next year you'll give me the chance to be welcomed into your life and I can show you the ways that you were meant to be treated. I have found a friend, a best friend, an older brother, an artist and a fucking cuddle buddy. Also someone I love dearly. No idea why but oh well. Hope I don't freak you out cause I'm actually honest. Feh, you wouldn't be the first person to leave me because of how I feel but I can totally understand. So I say now we go get some fucking ice cream. We deserve it.

Heart Surgery Isn't That Bad.

Yeah I've been dwelling over the past a bit too long. I'm just afraid to dive into the future. I'm scared and lonely. Things can either work or they won't. The rejection is what has me so apprehensive. What am I ever to do? I'd be better off with my heart in a jar. I'll always be your kiddo even as we drift further apart. The pain pills or lack there of have fucked your mind so bad that even I am I little sensitive to your rages. But I still love you. The nights are fading and we won't stop breathing. Even if my hearts way past beating. One comments on me saying that I am to never be understood nor can I be captured. I can only hope for the sake of tings that this is totally true. Wish me luck in the world darling.

Seize the Day.

With you there is nothing to take for granted. You have stuck by me when I have come damn near crashing. No matter how shitty things have gotten for me I can always rely on you. I just wanna say thank you and you really don't understand how much you mean to me. I do love you even if it seems like a fucking cliche. I don't deserve such a great friend. "I'm too young to worry", you would not believe how many times I hear that and just start crying whenI think about all the shit I've been through. Yet you have stuck with me through it all and you have never let your love for me falter. Though we may come from seperate grounds and some parts are the same you still see me for who I truely am. How can I ever pay you back for your kindness, your acceptance and your love? That's practically impossibe but I'll do my fucking best. Special? Yeah you are. You understand me, and even when you don't you won't let me drown in the ocean of sorrow. You are always there to throw me back and keep my sanity from slipping through my fingers. It's all I can to keep from breakig down right now and even if I do, I know you have my side. Thank you once again for your support.

Lost.

How the fuck can you do thia to me? I've never turned a hand in your direction and yet you feel like you can do anything you want to me. At first everything was fine and then you just changed. Like some sort of monster. You molded yourself into not only a parasite but into something I realized I had to get away from. Like prey, you treated me. You hunted me down and tried to destroy my happiness. You knew my health was fragile and yet you decided to crush the breathe out of my frail lungs. How fucked up are you that you could do such damage and then call me the whore?! My body aches from the slaps and bites. These scars won't heal because that was your plan all along. To gather me into your web and just leave me for dead. You knew I thought I couldn't do any better than you and so you took this chance to rape me and my heart. You are a monster and you fucking know it. You feed off my soul and try to dissect my every little move. Every detail becomes a part of you until I can no longer breathe. The worst fucking thing is that you get away with it too! No one will listen to my cries and they always turn away as the blood begins to pool. If I ever got the chance I would take a pole and ram it through your chest. You don't know how good it would feel to have your blood running down my hands. Oh god. Am I becoming you?

Camisado.

Just hear me out. I'm a prisoner of my own humanity. Yet you stay the nonconformist purple haired freak I was always with. My hands are the tools in which I create and how I breathe. Don't wallow in your misery because you think that I'm okay. False pretenses are nothing but and you know it. Where will that leave us hun? Stranded without a clue? I shouldn't have to explain myself unless I choose to, other than that you can keep your comments to yourself. How I love you for your apathy. But I do miss you. The late night discussing politics on the back porch while we watched the stars fall down. I know you're somewhere out there. You'll find me and things will be like they once were. My best friend, I miss you terribly. I'm lonely and out of place since you've been gone. I still don't understand why my mum was that way towards you, you never did a fucking thing to her. But I tell her that you'll be back someday. I know you will. As always, I'll shy away from the specifics and allow to you fill in those gapped out years. Cross the line and just fucking do it. I never wanna take back the memories or the parties or anything. I'm ready to try again but first we gotta hang out. You know I couldn't keep to myself long enough. Now get the cd player, I'll puke on your dad and we'll go under the blankets and kill Elizabeth :P

Danger Zone.

My eyes looked at her with deep regret and love. My hands moved down her face and my lips met hers to kiss away the pain. The shock and astonishment as my words finally registered in his head. I was gone and he wouldn't get me back. Life is so much easier now that he's gone and you're back. Thought I'd lost you for the longest but I can totally see that you're never leaving me. Next year will soon be here and then it'll all be great.

Secrets.

Why I take my relationships and friendships so hard, so seriously. I work so hard to make everything right, make it fucking perfect. Make everyone happy. So in the end Ill be happy. Does it ever work? More often not. I can deal with it. Just hide the things in my closet and bury the dead. Somedays I like to keep things simple in order to not leave the reminders in the open. Of my failures and other's regressions. Was this ever real?

Breaking the Habit.

I need to come out. Breath unto the world again. Observe the birds and hang in the trees like I used to. Sit outside and just watch everyone live. I think that this is the one thing that could bring me solace in my heart. To know to feel that the earth is real and that everything in it is not just a figment of my imagination or subconcious. Do I ask for too much? Tell me if it's so. Tell me tha my dreams are empty and unfuflling. Just your conversation would be enough to sustain me. Tomorrow will be a step to living again for today is nearly done and that wouldn't be as heartening. The sky is fadng and night is coming once again, I'll grab my book and head back to my corner. Oh what a life.