Free Bird.

Where does this day find me? Wondering what became of you and I. I feel that I'm ready to cross that bridge that we discussed so many months ago. I've dealt with the bullshit and rumors but still kept an open heart. Now it's time to gather our thoughts and discover if we're ready to try this again. You know how I feel about it..or do you? Are all these attempts just wasted? I don't know anymore. I don't really think it's fair of me to see other people while I still think of you. The further we drift...the more I realize that you don't feel the same.So with an open mind and a cleared conscious I reckon it's time to let you go. I'll never be through with you hun but I guess it's better that we quit tryin to force it since it obviously wasn't meant to be.

On one's Dreams anyways.

I believe that it's attempt at immortality a strike at the eternal life. Living your dreams through someone else, becoming famous and recognized. Your word gets pressed and passed on to others so your name is always on someones lips. Dead or alive it never matters as long as you're never forgotten. Yes, that's the key to it all. To never be forgotten is to be erased. And to be erased to is to be deleted. It's probably one of the worst feas of all humans. To be unloved and lonely. But if we're dead why should it matter. Aye it doesn't seem quite right but it is. Now others would think that it's for the "greater good" to have their legacy passed on, their life goals, missions, dreams and failures will actually help in the future. Help rewrite the future. Fight to the end at making things right one could always assume. Dignity, charity, love and peac are all things that the worlds needs more but sadly these things need to be genuine. People need to become more real. Humanity has reached some all times lows and they need to realize that even when they are gone, they still live on. And the evidence is over whelming. Just take the time and realize how you live your life and what you do, does in fact affect others. Think of the changes that your life will cause. Just think about it. ;]

Looking back.

I just wanna take this time to apologize. I never meant those things I said. The pain I caused, I wish I could just take it away and let it lie in my heart. But I know that things could never ever be that simple. I only want to know why you did those things to me? Played me as your pawn so you could find happiness. Sometimes I think about all the things we went through and I wonder what I could have done differently and how that would alter how things are now. I just wish that I could have been smarter and not trusted you like I did. My only regret was not being there in the end and the only thing I hate was that I loved you so fucking much.

There goes the Sun.

Meh I'm feeling kinda shitty right now. It's 12.34am and I hardly get any sleep anymore. Four hours at the most but I'm not bitching. There's no use in it. Always up late at night playing games and voicing my views to people who honestly could not give a fuck about me and don't want to know about my actual life. Why do I do it? Boredom could be an excuse but thats all it narrows down to in the end. If my real friends are all out without me doing things that they love, I should be able to find some small comforts on the web. Should'nt I, it seems to be the right thing? I hope the answer is yes but sadly I grow more distanced from my computer. Things that once brought me joy are now just becoming a pain in my side. I know I should get out into the town but I hate this shit hole I live in. Nobody to actually sit down and talk with. Face to face like it once was. I really should get my ass outside. These are sad times darling. But we can't sleep here, this is bat country.

Welcome to planet earth.

To heartbreak and pain can sometimes make you stronger. For being so young I've seen all kinds of torturous pain. I cant help but think about it and feel a sense of helplessness. The world is a terrible and cold place. I've done my best to find solace in the hearts of those around me. It's so hard to look at someone new and be able to trust them without knowing deep down if they truely knew the things you've seen and experienced that they would hurridly gather their things and run away. But you get used to it after having it happen so many times, the worst part is when someone looks you in the eyes, says it's okay and that they'll never leave you but after a short period of time they begin to feel youre depressing them. How can you fucking do that? Claim to be a friend and then when things become bad for you, just break it off? Well human nature at its finest one can assume. We're all creatures of habit and our natures are decietful and disturbing. We're all the same on the inside, being made of flesh blood tissue and organs, our brains and hearts hide the most terrible things and our eyes are filled with glowing hatred. It would kill us to be anything other and if we had survived that adaptation we would become "alien" and "unreal". We just cant fucking stand eachother can we?

Actually. You deserve this.

Sometimes life is just shitty and I've grown used to people treating me like hell and getting walked all over. So if you have the balls to tell me"I deserve better" Fuck you, cause you're probably one of the assholes who's done it to me. I'ma great chick and I've great friends and I don't need you if al you're gonna do is drag me down. I'm tired of going out of my way just to help you and then get fucked over on the way. As some people would say, I'm too good for that.